5 reasons why men feel "stuck"

 
Most men would rather deny a hard truth then face it.
— Tyrion Lannister (Game of Thrones)
 

Good thing, you are not most men.

After having many conversations with men from various backgrounds, being part of men's groups in the church for the past 10 years, and taking part in men's online communities, it is apparent that all men have the same five areas where they feel stuck.

Having awareness in these 5 areas is paramount to self mastery. They are the keys to becoming the man you were made to be.

The 5 areas that most men get "stuck" in are:

  1. Money
  2. Health & Fitness
  3. Marriage & Kids
  4. Career/Job
  5. Addiction & Unhealthy Relationships
 
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MONEY

This is biggest area that men get stuck in. Most of the time it is just a mentality though. We want to provide, and not being able to, makes us feel insecure. Insecurity leads us to do dumb stuff,...irrational stuff.

Think about the movies that you watch, or the TV shows you see. When a man believes that he is no longer able to provide for his family, he gets desperate, and will sell drugs, or rob a store...or sell himself out.

Men need a game-plan, a way to kick this issue right in the teeth. Money is not the problem. The problem is our mindset. If we want to be good providers, then we need to be good planners.

  1. The first step is to get on a Budget.
  2. The next step is to stop spending more than you make.

Not having a plan is like going into battle without a strategy, or a weapon.

It is a mans duty to get his finances in order. You can't be the guy buying up whatever you please, because you "Work Hard", or you think you "deserve" it. That's childish and selfish.

You don't always have to have the next coolest gadget, or be in style. It's nice to look good and have nice things, but wait until you can afford them. You would be suprised what will happen if you just delay yourself the instant gratification. I promise you that it will be better.

You have to believe in yourself. ― Sun Tzu

Dave Ramsey author of The Total Money Makeover: A Proven Plan for Financial Fitness", says it like this: “For your own good, for the good of your family and your future, grow a backbone. When something is wrong, stand up and say it is wrong, and don't back down.”

You might say, "well, I don't have any skills, I can't make any more money". Look for other opportunities while you are doing your current job,..go after what you have always wanted to do, and execute.

Take ownership of this area of your life, and you will reap it's benefits.

 

HEALTH & FITNESS

I started The360ManProject because I was sick and tired of looking around and seeing men my age and older who had just let their bodies deteriorate. I still don't understand it. No food that you eat will ever be better than the high that you get from exercise and crushing your goals in the gym.

When you see and feel your body getting stronger, it will be like a drug.

It's really not about looking good, but, yes, that will come too. It is the mental aspect of physical exercise that will pay dividends in your life. Fitness is the same as weight loss, really. You need a plan, and consistency to be effective.

Men, if you want to exercise, you need to stay consistent, and you need to quit eating like a jerk. You just can't do it.

You can't go to the gym in the morning and do some pushups and situps and run a mile, then go out and eat a large pizza and expect results. It is going to catch up to you, probably in a manner that you don't want...like the hospital.

Here are 5 reasons that you must make physical exercise a staple in your life:

  1. You are doing a disgrace to yourself, if you don't. Socrates said: No man has the right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training. It is a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable.

    Wait...wasn't Socrates a Philosopher...yes, he was, and he was also a man who led an active lifestyle.

    The Stanford Encyclopedia describes Socrates like this: Socrates let his hair grow long, Spartan-style (even while Athens and Sparta were at war), and went about barefoot and unwashed, carrying a stick and looking arrogant. He didn't change his clothes but efficiently wore in the daytime what he covered himself with at night. Something was peculiar about his gait as well, sometimes described as a swagger so intimidating that enemy soldiers kept their distance

  1. You run the risk of not seeing your children grow old.
  2. I don't say this to scare you, but the medical risks increase if you don't take care of your body. They already increase as you get older. Why compound that risk with poor choices and bad habits?

    One of the things that I hear men say all the time is, "well, I only live once, I might as well eat whatever I want. Or, for Christian men, it's "I work on my spirituality not my physicality. God doesn't judge me based on my appearance."

 
You can’t go around eating like a jerk. You just can’t
 
  1. It will give you energy. Men wonder why they have no energy during the day. There are likely four symptoms that are contributing to this.
    • You are staying up to late at night
    • You are not getting exercise
    • You are eating unhealthy, and have excess weight
    • You are stressed out

    Here is what I witness on a regular basis. Men come into work having ate nothing but a bowl of cereal or a pop tart. If someone brings in donuts or cookies they eat those. At lunchtime they go out to eat at a fast food resturaunt. Then they get groggy, unmotivated and even fall asleep in meetings.

    Does this sound like you? You might not have even noticed it.

    These things are inhibiting your ability to be as effective as you can be? Doesn't that bother you?

    Men, we need to be our best, what we put into our bodies, how we treat them, all have effects on our mood, our motivations and the ability to execute on the critical elements of our day.

    We need to have energy to crush the elements that make up our day.

 

MARRIAGE & KIDS

Boy does having kids change your life. In fact, just the other day I was talking with a group of guys about this very thing.

Having kids is difficult, and the natural response of a man isto get away, to run from responsibility. Look around, you it happens all the time, and has almost become a normal thing to do.

It's easier to run and hide than it is to stay and embrace the suck.

After my wife and I had our first child, this one one of the hardest times in my life. Everything is different, your time is not your own. You don't get any sleep, everyones cranky and on edge, sex is hard to come by, and you feel trapped.

This is the best Advice I can give you:

  1. Find two things that you can control. For me it is waking up early to get alone time:
    • I read, do box breathing and pray
    • I exercise, where I do a mixture of weighlifting, metabolic conditioning and HIIT
  2. Embrace the suck
    • Being uncomfortable is annoying, but not scary
    • Pissing and moaning desosn't change anything, but your attitude does

Most men, they disappear during these critical times. They either find something else to do, and leave their wife to do all of the chores around the house and take care of the kids. Don't do that. Help your wife, even though you just spent a long day at work. Show up to her side when she least expects it. Take responsibility and be a man. Embrace the pain and challenge.

After all, it won't last forever. The Navy SEAL's have a saying:

If you’re in a bad situation, don’t worry, it’ll change. If you’re in a good situation, don’t worry, it’ll change
 

CAREER

So, what do you do?

This is almost always the first questions that men ask each other when they first meet. This is the man’s equivalent of two dogs sniffing each other’s butts.

We are sizing the other up. It’s as if we have mistaken our identity for our work.

Most men I talk to don’t like their jobs. Their talents, passions and aspirations lie somewhere else.

The majority of Americans—52.3%— are unhappy at work, according to a new report by the Conference Board, the New York-based nonprofit research group.

What’s a guy to do about it?

You probably feel that way for a reason, don’t ignore it.

My motto is, if you don’t like what you do, then do something you like to do.

  • Here is what that means:
  • Start a side project
  • Build something if you like working with your hands
  • Create something around what fires you up
  • Start exercising, try the 30 Day Fitness Program, or the 6 week beginner running Program
  • Get out of debt, so the transition from the job you hate to the job you love will be painless
  • Do all this, while you still have the job you don’t like

The internet, and FREE library are the best resources you have. Take advantage of them.

Make a plan to get out of debt and move into the career you want. Freedom is better than money, but you need to get your finances under control to be free.

Read Ecclesiastes 11:1-6, this is all about trying out different ventures. Don’t think that your only income sources is from you work, or that your only source of identity is your job. It could be found in family, serving, giving.

  • Find a way to use the talents, gifts, abilities and resources that you have available to you. YOU HAVE TO START STEPPING INTO WHO YOU ARE.
  • If you are interested in starting a business online, or getting knowledge in that area, join our Facebook group, where there are other people, just like you.
  • Ask for advice
  •  Give input
  • Post your successes

Your life is yours to lose or gain, but the longer you wait to do something about it, the more miserable you will be. Don't think it's a pipe dream. The reality is, people with the same circumstances as you have buckled down, set some goals and then taken action to achieve them. Your situation is not unique.

Just START.

ADDICTION

Want to know what the biggest addiction that men have is?

PORNOGRAPHY

Most men, lie to themselves, or believe the lies they hear. Those lies typically sound like this:

  • Everyone does it, no big deal
  • I don’t have a problem, I only do it once in a while
  •  It’s not hurting my relationships
  •  No one needs to know about it

The truth is…it destroys your relationships, especially with your spouse.

It also, isolates you, and it becomes an escape for you. I mean think about it, if it’s something you do in private, you probably shouldn’t be doing it.

If you want to stop looking at pornography, then these are the best things you can do:

  • Recognize you have a problem, and educate yourself
  • Learn what your triggers are. Is it when you are alone, at work, late at night on the computer?
  •  Get accountability, put safe eyes on your computer, or some other software. This will let your friend know what you are looking at.
  •  Get rid of your computer. If you have never seen the movie “Fireproof”, then you need to watch it now.
  • Get plugged in to a men’s group. Join The360ManProject Community Facebook Page

Do you want to know what you are giving up when you look at pornography?

  • Your confidence
  • Energy, excitement, the passion you have for your spouse
  • You lose Testosterone (The very thing that makes you manly)
  • The opportunity to be a better man

Unfortunately, the access that we have at our fingertips has made it too easy for men to fall victim to something so cheap.

I also believe that most men who look at porn, probably aren’t exercising regularly, tend to watch a lot of TV, and eat unhealthy.

If that’s you, then:

  • Start exercising early in the morning. You will be so tired at night, that you will want to sleep.
  •  Quit eating crap. Yes, lay off the cheap easy convenience of fast food.
  • Instead of watching TV, go work on a project, or spend time outside on a walk.

The real problem is convenience.

It’s easy to look, at porn, it’s easy to eat unhealthy, and it’s easy to watch TV. Start doing things the hard way.

  • When you go to the store. Stop parking so close, park far away. Even when and especially when it’s cold out. You’ll never have to worry about finding a parking place.
  • Go to the gym early in the morning. You won’t have to fight for the weight bench.          

Honestly, it is really just a big waste of time. It is destroying your productivity and opportunity to do what you need to do. It crushes your motivation, and ruins relationships.

You don’t gain anything from it. THINK ABOUT THAT. There is nothing to be gained, so, why do it?

Stephen

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P.S.

If you haven’t made goals for this year check out the GOAL Planning Guide on the Home Page

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