The lost virtues of a man part 1: How to navigate through this modern culture with integrity, strength, confidence and character


I’m often frustrated when I look around, or when I am at church, and especially when I am with a group of men with their families.

Do you know why?

You see, men of this day and age have lost something inherent, something primal, and something that is planted deep inside of them…It’s their identity, their manhood.

I mostly see it in churches, which is ironic. I believe that men have allowed themselves to sink deeper into a slumber. They have buried their very essence.

It’s sad, it’s frustrating, and it’s pathetic.

It almost makes me sick to my stomach.

Men who spend more time on their phones then with their kids. They chase online fantasies over their brides. They choose to use their time chasing fruitless endeavors and abandoning their responsibilities of the family. They choose to devour fast food and play video games instead of making their bodies stronger.

They settle for a game of call of duty over having big audacious goals.

This is what our culture and our society wants us to be. A lethargic group of men who care more about the next consumer product, and less about being strong, ambitious, loyal, honorable, and righteous.

Men of this day have settled for something far less, and it is an epidemic.

Just look around, it’s happening, it has been happening.

I understand that this might offend some who read this, and to you I say, quite frankly. I don’t care. This needs to be said. If you don't believe me, start observing and taking mental not of what you see.

So what can a man who wants to return to who he really is do?


1) Get off your Freaking Phone and your BS phone game apps.


Seriously, what in the world are you gaining by being on that thing? Your time is precious, you only get one freaking shot at this life. Do you really want to spend it on some overpriced piece of junk that has no sort of human interaction?

Your wife, your kids, and your family is starved for your attention. They desperately want you to lead them, and be the man that they need you to be. If have your face in a screen all day, you are teaching them to do the same thing, and you are hurting their development, their skills at life, and you are helping them to become exactly what society is teaching everyone else.

It’s time to put the thing down and focus on what’s most important.


2) Exercise and make your body stronger


Don’t lie to yourself and say that it is only for other men. You need physical exercise. I am telling you that it is one of the single most important things that a man can implement into his life.


You can choose to not exercise, but it is not the best option for you. When you start lifting heavy objects there is a “click” in your mind that will help you to be more confident, stronger, and ambitious. You will start to transform your life. Trust me, I was a scrawny guy, and when I started lifting weights my whole outlook changed.

It allowed me to have the energy and strength to charge my day. I have never felt more alive than I do now. When you are strong and healthy, you feel better about yourself, and you will look better.

Start Lifting Weights.


3) Stop apologizing for being a man


You have a way about you, it’s ok. It is who you are. You are a man. Start acting like it and stop apologizing for it.

You were made to be a warrior. You were made for mighty things. You were made to be a pioneer, an adventurer an explorer and a gentleman. You were made to be Tarzan. You were made to wrestle gorillas and lions, and also return home to your family and be as gentle and loving as a lamb.

God made you in his image, you are mighty. When you think about that real deep. God is the creator of the universe, and he, made you like him…what do you think that means. God made you to be a man.

He has given us everything we need, and he did it unapologetically, so stop apologizing.

Be who you were made to be. Do manly stuff.


4) Be disciplined or rather, practice it


This is probably the biggest problem we have in our society. Men have no discipline. They have become like a wave that sways this and that, have no values, and forget everything.

We have become a culture of “I want it now.” People can’t keep money in their pockets or bank accounts. When something new comes along they have to have it.

We live in a society that is big on trading our goals and dreams for small desires. People  eat the cookies and the donuts because they want them now, but what they want most is to be healthy and strong.

Some people live beyond their means and have a lavish lifestyle but are buried in debt because they want everything now. What they want most is to have debt free wealthy lifestyle, without the mess.

Discipline takes time. It takes work.

It is earned by doing the same things a little better each time over a long period.

There is no other way. If you want freedom, then you have to have discipline.

5) Stop trying to find your identity in “Stuff” and other people


People will fail you. They are not perfect, and they are going to let you down. Your spouse will let you down; your kids will let you down. You will be frustrated, upset, and betrayed at times.

Things or “Stuff” is a bad place to put hope. That new boat or new car is just a piece of equipment that is going to break down. It is an object.

Men of this time like to find their identity in their work, their vehicles, and their clothes. That stuff doesn’t make you a man, it makes you a poser.

When all that stuff is gone, then what? What are you standing on?

You are only going to find your identity in Christ. There is no other way. You can believe what you want, but if you want to know who you are as a man, then you need to ask the one who created you who he made you to be,

Then you need to ask him to make you that man.

Putting your identity in anything else will only leave you feeling empty in the end.

6) Stop Comparing yourself to others

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The other day I did a Cross Fit workout and thought that I had a pretty good time, and then I looked at one of the champions who did it, and he did it in half the time I did.

I started to compare a little bit, but then I reeled it in.

Then I started comp0aring myself to myself which is exactly what you need to do.

Don’t compare yourself with other people for two reasons.

  • You have no idea what they have done to be where they are at.
  • You are not them and never will be. You will become bitter, and have self doubt. That’s a deep dark tunnel that you don’t want to go down. If you continually compare to others then you will continually be disappointed.


7) Quit making excuses

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The reason that you don’t have what you want is because you don’t ask for it or work for it.

If you want to get in shape and have that six pack, then do the work. Stop making every excuse in the book, and just do it. Everyone knows you are just making excuses, so why make them.

If you want to get out of debt, then stop spending like you are in Congress as Dave Ramsey would say. Stop making the excuses that your wife spends too much money, or you just had to have the new IPhone. Your excuses are lies, and you know that deep down, you don’t believe them.

Excuses are a weakness, and they will plague you, just say, I have no excuse. Then go do what you need to do.

You already have everything you need, it’s in you already.

Stay tuned for part 2.


Stay the Course

- Stephen



Blessed is the one
    who does not walk in step with the wicked
or stand in the way that sinners take
    or sit in the company of mockers,
2 but whose delight is in the law of the Lord
    and who meditates on his law day and night.
3 That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,
    which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither—
whatever they do prospers.


Man in water Photo on VisualHunt
Superman Photo credit: Dyroc on Visual Hunt / CC BY