Fix Your Character Before You Fix Your Hair: What Every Man Needs To Get Right

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You see it all the time. Dudes looking in mirrors and worrying about their hairstyles, or what shoes they are going to wear.

Who cares about all of that stuff, especially if you don't have character, grit, or resilience?

The stuff that really makes a man.

Our culture has it backwards. These articles that I see online of "the 10 best men's hairstyles" and "the best shoes for your first date".....Who gives a rats ass?

What's the foundation and infrastructure of your life like?

We have got it all backwards

We think we can use outward solutions for inward problems....It doesn't work like that.


A Lesson from Delta Force

In his book "Inside Delta Force" Eric Haney tells about the formation of the unit, and the early years of the program. He speaks of the endless training of a Delta Candidate.

Although, during selection,  they are working with a team most of the time later on, in the beginning,  the training it is highly individual.

One of the things that made me step back and really think about my character, and who I was as a man was during a portion of the book where all the candidates have to do this ruck training, and I'm not just talking about a stroll down the street.

These are long rucks, arduous, tedious, and lonely. The cadre don't say a word to you. It's just you, your thoughts and it's up to you and you alone to succeed.

I grew a deep respect for the Army and the Delta operators from reading this book, but most of all it made me realize a bigger problem.

Men have let this one slide for a long time. 

A man can't be who he is made to be if he has never learned how to take care of himself, be responsible for himself in an environment where he has no choice but to be.

Our culture loves to nurture and baby man child(s). I know because I see it daily. 

I have to tell grown men to show up for work, clock out for their breaks, and do their jobs.

It's frustrating and it is a bigger problem than I had once imagined.

It's our own fault, we have fostered this, and allowed it to happen.

I'm sure it has something to do with a man's testosterone decreasing by 1.2% every year.


 

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What can we do about it?

We like a quick fix. Anything to take the hard work out of it.

If I could figure out how to loan a person a six pack and a beautiful women for the week, I would be a millionaire. I would just set everyone up on a loan payment plan and watch the magic happen.

So many people would sign up to have a great body for a week, that it would be like shooting fish in a barrel. Nah, I could never do that, because I don't like giving people a temporary solution , nor do I think it would solve any sort of problem.

In fact, it would exacerbate it. People would go into debt just to have the six pack for another week, they would miss payments, and generally be even more depressed and unhappy when it was repossessed.

It's funny to think about, but it's also pathetic.

But it's the reality. We have a character issue, a culture issue, and an entitlement issue.

These problems can be solved using the same logic that we have been using.

As a man, you have got to stand up and take a stand on this stuff.


1) Get in the freaking Gym and lift heavy stuff

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The best thing that you can do for yourself is to start lifting weights or exercising. It's not something that you can continue to put on the back burner.

Increase your testosterone by lifting heavy things. Start eating better, sleeping better and taking care of yourself.

Lifting weights, starting a training program and seeing your body transform is going to make you come alive in ways you had no idea existed, all because you make one choice to start being the man that you know you want to be, the man you were made to be.

You know why most people don't get this? 

It takes work, and effort. Most people quit when things get hard, they don't stay consistent or have any sort of discipline, because they have no idea what they want.

They have never taken the time to get their crap together.

Lift weights, get stronger, get better.


2) Don't settle for a life of mediocrity, get in the fight

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An ambitious man, goes after what he wants, what he craves, and what he knows he needs to do deep down in his soul, the core of his being.

You have to tap into that shit.

Stop tagging along behind someone else, especially a woman that you think you need to fulfill. It will never happen.

Be your own man, and do things that scare you, keep you up at night, and will help you to live the bad-ass life that you want.

There is a fight for your life and who you are every day. 

You can choose to be the man that people tell you to be, or that society tells you to be, or you can be the man you were made to be.

Most people settle into mediocrity, they go with the flow, and expect things to fall into place. They go through life in fear, and sink back into a comfortable life that is "safe."

That's not living, that's DEATH.


Work on being your own man, and learn to be alone

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I know society has taken a huge stance on men not being alone, and needing community, but I don't believe in having a lot of friends or people that you need to be around all the time.

If you have one friend your whole life who you trust and can be around all the time. That's enough.

What I think most men need to do is learn how to be alone. Focus on shutting the heck up, and listening to what you are really telling yourself.

If you can't be alone and learn how to figure out and be the master of your own stuff, then you are not going to be able to help other people in your life and lead them. You have to get this right first.

  • Learn how to have your own life (Set goals, have a routine, do work, stay focused)
  • Take ownership of your life and take care of yourself (Show up for work, hold down a job, workout, wake up, establish disciplines)

Other people are always going to want something, or need something from you. You have to know where you stand and what your priorities are. 

Just like the Delta Force Operators, for their final test which is a 40 mile ruck, they do it all by themselves, all alone, about in the wilderness, and no one else is responsible for them.

They are responsible for their own success. They can't blame anyone else if something goes wrong.

Neither can you.

That's ownership and maturity.

Work to Build character, not outward appearance.

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Navy SEAL's photo credit: U.S. Pacific Fleet 151124-N-CN059-194 via photopin (license)