The Reasons Why Every Man Needs to Have a Fortress of Solitude or Bat Cave: Recharge and Develop your Manliness

bat cave.PNG

It should come as no surprise that I like to be alone.

In fact, I prefer it. I'm almost convinced that there are a lot of people who do not like to be alone.

This doesn't make me better than them or vice versa. It's just the way it is.

What I do know and have learned though, is that a lot of people (Including myself), run out of patience and the ability to pour out into other people. In other words, we burn out.

I would love to have a superhuman ability to constantly go and go and go, but the reality is that without some intense drugs, a few acid trips and some red bull it just isn't sustainable.

Therefore, a man needs to have  a place to recharge, and be independent of every one else. A place where he is fed and can retreat to get stronger more resilient and re-calibrate his compass.

Superman has his fortress of solitude, Jesus often retreated early in the morning to pray, Batman has his Batcave, I have my garage, and you have your place...or maybe you don't.

If that's you, then let me try and persuade you that you need your own Skull Cave like the Phantom.

People are always going to try and tell you who to be

tarzan.PNG

If a man is constantly around people, he misses out on who he really is.

Tarzan was possibly one of the best books I read as a kid, and it always discouraged me when Tarzan was taken back to England to learn the ways of the civilized man.

He did become civilized, and he learned to be a gentleman. However, Tarzan wasn't raised by humans. He was raised by apes. No matter what happened, even though he was a human, he couldn't deny his very primitive nature and always felt at home in the Jungle. That was his Domain, His fortress.

You can take the man out of the jungle, but you can't take the jungle out of the man.

It's the same with you. No matter how many people try to tell you who to be, or how to live. You know deep down that you are different. You were made for more. You are a wild man that yearns to be free.

There will always be a constant struggle between the man that society and outside influences tell you to be and the man that you were made to be.

The man that others want you to be does these things:

  • Compares himself to others
  • Worries about what others think
  • Walks on eggshells - (Afraid to be himself in fear of people not "liking" him)
  • Manipulates others to get his way - (By means of guilt or other underhanded tactics)
  • Has low self esteem
  • Finds his worth in money, possessions, work or women

The man you were made to be does these things:

  • Compares himself to his own goals and his own self
  • Listens to what others think -  does not let it drive his life
  • Does his best to be polite but does not go out of his way to not be himself
  • Uses honesty and communication to have his needs met
  • Has and displays confidence
  • Knows his worth does not come from man but from God.

A man must transcend the perceived limitations in his life. These limitations have been placed onto him by society, culture, background, upbringing, media, and any other influential medium that he looks at on a daily basis.

With all of this coming at him, he most definitely needs a place to stay grounded.

You have to know where you're going

desktop-1753659_960_720.jpg

If you don't know where you are, then you can't get to where you are going.

It's easy to get lost, when you are only in "download" or "input" mode. What I mean by that is, once we start our days, they are constantly being bombarded with needs, wants and questions from other people, or our families. It is very hard to "Listen" to what is really going on when there is constant noise.

If we never take time to "Listen" and sit alone in solitude, then we will look up one day wondering what they heck happened and how did I get so far off course. This is exactly what happened to me, on more than one occasion in my life.

I didn't stop to think and listen. 

I didn't know where I was, and I had no clue about where I was going. I think a lot of men, and people in general do that. We work and work never really thinking about what it is we really want and setting a course for that destination.

We come up with all kinds of excuses.

  • It's too hard
  • I don't have that kind of skill
  • I would have to sacrifice this
  • My wife won't let me

Instead of taking action, taking time to locate our target, we just calmly sail through life bored out of our minds and we slip into a state of passivity and mediocrity.

Some guys are OK with that. They are happy to settle for far less than what they were made to do.

For the 360 Man though, that is not the case.

The 360 Man understands the need for solitude, and the ability to be alone and process his thoughts, strategically plan how to Win his day, his life, and to accomplish his goals.

You have to learn to be your own man

mapoflife.jpg

A man has to learn to be alone, for his own good, and for the good of others. 

It needs to be deliberate and understood.

If he can't learn to take care of his own crap when he is on his own, then he won't be able to take care of anyone else's crap either.

A lot of guys who have never learned to do this, get married and start raising families. Their wives get mad at them because they are just bigger boys who still need to be taken care of.

Women would rather have a self-sufficient man, who is confident in his abilities to do what it takes, not because of ego or selfishness but because he understands the importance of responsibility and how his actions effect everyone else.

The world doesn't need more boys. It needs men.

If you are a young man or an older man and still living with your parents, the best thing for you to do, is move out. Get out of their house and start making your way in the world, on your own. Yes, you will have failures and setbacks, but so what.

If you are an older man who still want's to live like a boy, then I suggest that you start taking responsibility and ownership of your actions. Your family is counting on you.

A man's Fortress of Solitude is his where he derives strength and power

This is where a man truly finds out who he is.

I said before that batman had a bat-cave and Superman had a fortress of solitude, but even the creator of the world took the time to be alone early in the morning to pray and recharge.

He was giving us a model to follow. When we do follow that example we learn so much about who we are. We get answers to our deepest gnawing questions about life, and we can determine our next course of action.

That is power.

I love this scene in Batman Begins when Bruce Wayne discovers the bat-cave. This is what its like when we can be alone. It is an adventure, a discovery. Every time we do it, more and more is revealed.

What does it look like for a man to learn to be alone?

There really aren't any rules for this, but I'll tell you what I do.

  • Get alone once a day or once a week
    • I get up at 4 am everyday, so I am alone from 4-6 am. This is my alone time.
    • I read, write, workout and actively "Listen". This is pure unadulterated time alone, I choose to make my body, mind and spirit stronger.
  • When you have alone time, don't waste it by watching TV or scrolling through Facebook or YouTube. Use it to invest in yourself.
    • If you waste it, you will know it, and you will say: "I never have alone time", and you will be lying to yourself and everyone around you, because you had time, you just chose poorly.
  Source:   Tenor  .  com

Source: Tenor.com

  • Guard that time
    • Something will come up that you are going to have to choose between. Maybe your friends are going out to eat, but you finally have some time to work on something or to reflect about life. You will have to make the decision not to go out with them.
    • What this culture has is a Fear of Missing out (FOMO), it's really sad, and the truth is, sure you might miss a few things, but you also might not. Things like going out to movies or going out to eat, are repeatable.
  • Think about how not planning or getting some time to reflect will negatively impact you overall health and well being.
    • Like, I said before. Some people don't really care about this, and don't want to change or grow. For those of you that do though, don't wait until your life is spiralling out of control, or things are just happening without you. Get ahead of it.

What are ways that you practice this?

Do you think it is important for a man to learn how to be alone? How? Why?

- Stephen

blog bio2.PNG

Bat Cave photo credit: Drriss & Marrionn Burnet - Underground Hall via photopin (license)
Tarzan photo credit: Tom Simpson The Return of Tarzan, paperback cover by Richard Powers, 1963 via photopin (license)